Still Friends
In watching the last HIMYM episode, it really made me think about my relationships with people who I would call my friends.
There is of course The One. I am not convinced she exists yet, but I might be wrong.
Then there is a handful of people who I talk to, or want to talk to, on a daily basis, and pretty much you know who you are. This is not a knock on anyone who does not fit the bill; rather, it is a testament to the strong friendships that we have developed, even in spite of the gender, distance, and cultural differences, etc.
Then there are people who used to be in that category, but for one reason or another, they fell out. It could be because of a life-phase change such as dating a new person or getting married or taking on a new job, or an ex, or if they moved away to a different state or allowed *me* to move away to a different state, and the only way they get updated on my life is if I make the effort. I do not blame them as much as I blame myself for this disconnect. Honestly though, I don't want to make the effort if they don't.
Then there are the friends who are more convenient to be friends with than not because we know the same people, share the same interests, or graduated from the same school. You might not necessarily call them up on a Friday night or when you go home, but you are glad they are there in case no one else is around and your family is busy.
Then there are the new people who you think are really interesting and would like to get to know better, especially now that you are in your post-college "it is sure damn hard to meet cool new people" phase, but since they are new and you fear that you might put them off, you tend to hold your distance so as to not appear to be coming on too strongly and sending mixed signals (if a girl) or coming on too strongly and sending mixed signals *wink wink* (if a guy). This might not be such a bad thing since it keeps your life interesting, and results in some pretty good stories to tell.
On a semi-related note, the idea of gift-giving baffles me to groups three to five because I am not convinced I have the expertise to pick something out that they will enjoy, yet I absolutely loathe the idea of group gifts since it is such a cop out. It says I do not know you well enough to get you something thoughtful, yet I don't want to appear cheap in front of the rest of my "friends". For me, a card with your favorite memory of us that year will do. I promise.
Oh what to do when the birthday and holiday seasons come up! Hmm, thinking about winter already in May. This cannot be good.
There is of course The One. I am not convinced she exists yet, but I might be wrong.
Then there is a handful of people who I talk to, or want to talk to, on a daily basis, and pretty much you know who you are. This is not a knock on anyone who does not fit the bill; rather, it is a testament to the strong friendships that we have developed, even in spite of the gender, distance, and cultural differences, etc.
Then there are people who used to be in that category, but for one reason or another, they fell out. It could be because of a life-phase change such as dating a new person or getting married or taking on a new job, or an ex, or if they moved away to a different state or allowed *me* to move away to a different state, and the only way they get updated on my life is if I make the effort. I do not blame them as much as I blame myself for this disconnect. Honestly though, I don't want to make the effort if they don't.
Then there are the friends who are more convenient to be friends with than not because we know the same people, share the same interests, or graduated from the same school. You might not necessarily call them up on a Friday night or when you go home, but you are glad they are there in case no one else is around and your family is busy.
Then there are the new people who you think are really interesting and would like to get to know better, especially now that you are in your post-college "it is sure damn hard to meet cool new people" phase, but since they are new and you fear that you might put them off, you tend to hold your distance so as to not appear to be coming on too strongly and sending mixed signals (if a girl) or coming on too strongly and sending mixed signals *wink wink* (if a guy). This might not be such a bad thing since it keeps your life interesting, and results in some pretty good stories to tell.
On a semi-related note, the idea of gift-giving baffles me to groups three to five because I am not convinced I have the expertise to pick something out that they will enjoy, yet I absolutely loathe the idea of group gifts since it is such a cop out. It says I do not know you well enough to get you something thoughtful, yet I don't want to appear cheap in front of the rest of my "friends". For me, a card with your favorite memory of us that year will do. I promise.
Oh what to do when the birthday and holiday seasons come up! Hmm, thinking about winter already in May. This cannot be good.
Labels: life
Warning: Due to subject content, this very well may be a long comment. I'll try to limit it seeing as to that's what my own blog is supposed to be for, but this is one of those topics that easily gets me rambling.
I've often thought about myself and the friends I develop. I think for the most part, I have the same categories as you. There are even some people who I'll seemingly go through phases of being close to.
I'm generally pretty good about keeping close with friends, providing they seem to want to stay close too. There are have been quite a few times in my life where people will seem to get a little distant for some reason or another, and I'll make some efforts to message them or keep in touch, but those efforts seem to be futile, and I basically end up giving up. --Not giving up on the friendship, but giving up on taking so much effort to stay close.
I actually don't think I have many friends at the moment who are "convenient." Perhaps I should make more for those times when I feel more of a need to be social, but at the same time, I don't want to make friends with the intention of convenience. I've had friends who seemingly only message me when they have no one else to talk to and then will cut off conversation out of nowhere, which in my mind, is because someone they really wanted to talk to was on and I am no longer needed. It bothers me when that happens, but I don't really take it to heart.
Generally, for me, if it happens, it happens. I don't really try to force friendships, because I've always felt that true friendships occur naturally. It's not a matter of common interests, even. (Although that is often what brings people together.) ...It's just about people getting along, regardless of behavior. I sometimes think that I have a wide variety of friends, which makes me happy because it makes me feel like I'm a more well-rounded person. (Regardless of if that's true or not.)
Those times when I am sort of "forced" to befriend someone because of a common friend or situation makes it more difficult and I think it's because I feel that I'm not meeting the person on my own terms.
And yes, it's difficult for me to decide on gift-giving for people sometimes. Especially if I become close to a person around the holidays... I think, "Well we're new friends, but we're close, so I should do something." But then I think, "Wait - maybe even though we're good friends, we haven't known each other long enough to exchange gifts..." It's tough. The holidays are still a ways away, though, so it's not really something that's on my mind. I know that in about 7 months, I'll be thinking, "...It was just May!!!" while scrambling to think of gifts for people. It's strange that you mention holiday cards, cause that's actually what I do. ...Which is probably why it takes me so long to get cards out!
Okay, that was a bit of typing but I think as long as I didn't exceed the typing you did in this entry, I can still consider it a comment rather than my own mini-blog. :)
Posted by
Starlight |
May 6, 2008 at 10:58 PM
Wow, that comment WAS long... I think it was as long as the actual post. :[ I'm not sure if you'll get this cause I don't know if you have comment notification on... Anyway, I was just sitting here and I randomly remembered something I was going to comment on but had forgotten! ...The gift-giving thing: I think it depends on the situation. I think it's okay to go in with people sometimes because there are gifts that are too expensive for just one person to get. And there are gifts that are intentionally generic, and I think that's okay. ...Like if a group of people at an office were chipping in money to give some sort of going away present. But if a group of friends was all chipping in to get someone a pair of new socks, that's kind of a crappy gift. ...Kind of a VERY crappy gift.
..Aaand you made it sound like you would be going IN on something for Mother's Day. *AHEM!* How might that factor into this whole loathing-group-gifts thing?
Posted by
Starlight |
May 8, 2008 at 11:18 AM